Smile for Me

Hey it's been a few days since I've blogged...just been doing a lot of thinking I guess. I have so many thoughts and I just wanna let my worries go. I feel like I'm going to explode, but I guess that wouldn't be all that healthy...besides, who would clean up the mess? But I don't know, I feel like I'm not making the most of my life right now. I'm playing it safe at the moment, when the hell do I do that? Living on the edge is enticing, I think I've have a pretty good past record of that (for a high school student anyway). But that's just the thing isn't it? I still have like 4 credits to achieve, and THEN I'll be done, I'll have my high school diploma. So maybe that's why I'm playing it safe right now. But man, sometimes I start thinking... "You're living in such a shit hole right now". I feel kinda hopeless. I don't have a job and I'm depending on Welfare. I don't have my high school finished. I feel lost, where am I heading? I don't know! I mean I know there are people who have it worse than I do, hell I'm not really even that bad off... But I want to make more of myself, experience more. Get my life on..haha! But I see people doing things, whether it's further schooling, or travelling, they are doing what they want to get what they want out of life, and me? Well I'm sitting here day after day; existing. It's as simple as that. Maybe I'm just a little depressed right now. What should I do? I wanna clear out my mind of these things, these constant worries...but I'll probably just end up clearing out a pipe, filling my lungs with more issues. I don't know. I guess I'm just stressing. Ok I get it. Paint on a smile, walk around with the mask on for a little longer. Wow do I sound pathetic to you? Either way, it's time to smoke, it's been like 5 hours since my last (mind you I did just wake up like 30 mins ago, but yea). Maybe I'll find some joy from the life outside of these four walls.

. : When you have desire and fire, don't let the storm rain it out : .