Take it off Bitch!

I'm in a reckless mood. I don't know how to describe it. I used to tell people that I want to be a porn star one day. It's funny because a bit of me actually wants to do just that. I don't really care anymore. Ideally I want to do sultry photo shoots but that still entails me to drop some clothes. So here I am. Making contact with photographers and setting stuff up. I'm going to sell my body? Really? Hmm, well, yea I suppose I am. What else am I good for? That seems like something I ought to do.
I don't really know how to feel right now. But it doesn't matter. I am one to make rash decisions. So here we go. Buckle up Nikki, this may not be a joy ride. But who knows what will come of all your crazy ideas right? Pah! Whatever! It makes you a little slut just like everyone thinks anyway right?
I've yet to find someone who truly appreciates me the way I should be. Or maybe they haven't voiced out their opinions. Or maybe I'm just being an emotional wreck just saying these stupid things. God I don't know. But either way, I am lonesome and there's no one here to comfort me. I am confused. I need to ease my mind. But I can't. Grrr! Fuck..whatever... :)

.: Sometimes my smiles are fake, they cover up what I'm not telling : .

Nevermind

I've done a lot of thinking. And maybe I'm going to come off as a bit sour. But I feel I have lost hope in some sense. I don't know where to begin. I feel like a lot of things in my life have to start from ground zero and work their way up, once again. My wall of bricks has been toppled over, and now I, alone, have to pick them up and rebuild what was once there. I am getting farther apart from my friends. I don't feel close-knit with many people anymore. My ex still wants me but I'm definitely looking for something else (which probably isn't looking for me anyway). I am a failure with my education...etc.
I want to be more than what I am. But what do I do? I sit here and sulk. How does that fix anything? Well it doesn't! And yet, here I am. Fuck!

. : I am speechless (or so I think) : .

Knowing Is the Key?

People grow and learn things. People learn things and grow.
What does it take to feel complete in this world?
For some, its rich literature, others it may be advice well given.
How am I to know? I don't feel a sense of fulfillment. I am not half as knowledgeable as I would ever hope to be.

I feel like a blank person today. An unlabeled can.
My views are not controversial enough. I go with the flow, so to speak. Do I have solid opinions? I wouldn't say so. I need something stable. Something I am totally submerged in and passionate about.

What is it then? I have no clue. I do know though that I don't feel whole.I walk around thinking I know what life is all about, but do I? Not really. I'm just someone walking by.

No real way of thinking. I 'm not in a fixed mold. I am soft clay that hasn't taken form yet. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. Where do I belong? On the shelf to be fancied? Or do I belong as something more useful?

I need to get out there. Experience more. Learn more. Know more.

. : Making others happy is great. But make sure you're making you happy too. : .

Cherish These Moments, Love Forever.

Be inspired! Do what you gotta do. Life is full of mystery. Take everything with a grain of salt, if you will. Miracles are magical. Life is full of tiny miracles!
The earth. How things change and we grow.

People don't spend enough time to take it all in. When you think of it, we all live too short. Experience and fulfillment. This is what we should all be running after.

Do things that make you happy and feel complete. Squeeze every drop of enjoyment out of your day-to-day doings. And when you look back, you'll see the journey you've been on. Artwork to be marveled at. What an interesting individual.

Open your eyes. Be adventurous. This is how you can glow and sprinkle your bliss on others.

Everyone can choose what they may. But each path and rout has its own set of obstacles and this is what makes us different.

Love till you can't anymore. And then love some more.

Do this for me. And show everyone what you got. :)

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(P.S. This is not a note to me. It's just my random babblings. lol)

. : Make the most of what you have : .