Take it off Bitch!

I'm in a reckless mood. I don't know how to describe it. I used to tell people that I want to be a porn star one day. It's funny because a bit of me actually wants to do just that. I don't really care anymore. Ideally I want to do sultry photo shoots but that still entails me to drop some clothes. So here I am. Making contact with photographers and setting stuff up. I'm going to sell my body? Really? Hmm, well, yea I suppose I am. What else am I good for? That seems like something I ought to do.
I don't really know how to feel right now. But it doesn't matter. I am one to make rash decisions. So here we go. Buckle up Nikki, this may not be a joy ride. But who knows what will come of all your crazy ideas right? Pah! Whatever! It makes you a little slut just like everyone thinks anyway right?
I've yet to find someone who truly appreciates me the way I should be. Or maybe they haven't voiced out their opinions. Or maybe I'm just being an emotional wreck just saying these stupid things. God I don't know. But either way, I am lonesome and there's no one here to comfort me. I am confused. I need to ease my mind. But I can't. Grrr! Fuck..whatever... :)

.: Sometimes my smiles are fake, they cover up what I'm not telling : .